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Bertha HarianBertha Harian

News Reports

Preparing for PSLE results

Diary of a wimpy kid (from a top school)
I think I’m going to be the top PSLE student this year. Actually, I’m sure of it. I mean, I am from GEP and already directly admitted into an IP school.

I wonder if the newspapers will publish my aggregate score. I read in The Straits Times today that some parents think it will stress them out, or stress out their kids in neighbourhood schools. Gosh! I should never say neighbourhood school.

Oh no, what will I do when the newspaper people come interview me? What if they ask me for my score? Can I tell them? I mean, I hope my score gets published. I worked so hard and all that.. and Mom and Dad will be so pleased to see a photo of me. Grandma too. My principal already got people to photograph me. He wants me on the school banner to publicise the school for next year’s school admission. I wonder if he’s still going to do it…I hope it’s a nice picture.

Maybe I shouldn’t give my score. I mean what will other students think of me? That I’m very proud and snobbish? Maybe I shouldn’t even say that I am from the GEP. Better to lie low and act stupid. I better tell them I live in a HDB flat. Maybe three-room? Not credible. Maybe executive condominium flat. But Dad is a doctor and mom is a lawyer and still living in HDB? Maybe I’ll just say we’re renting our Bukit Timah bungalow while our executive condo is being renovated. Dear diary, what do you think?

What if they ask me about my friends? Now they all want to know if we have friends from other schools, other races and all that. I only know Ah Tiong’s son. And that’s only when Ah Tiong picks me up from school and swings over to pick him up as well. That silly boy really likes Dad’s Merc. I keep telling him my Dad’s other car is a Ferrari. But he doesn’t understand what I’m saying…
So how? Ah Tiong’s son and who else? Can I count Ali’s daughter? I’ve seen her once or twice when she comes with Ali to do the garden. I better go find out her name…

Sheesh, this is silly. I should just say all of my friends are from my school and, just to be safe, blame the school system for not giving me “an opportunity to interact with students of other schools and other races’’. That’s a good quote I think. The school system, education system is a real good scapegoat these days. Can blame it for everything.

Must be careful not to appear elitist. Dad says must be humble. So I’ll just do an Oscar awards ceremony and thank everybody for making me what I am today. Ah! Another good quote. Must remember to use… Must also remember to thank Maria and Lucia. Will be a good touch to remember the maids. Or you don’t think so?

What if they ask if I’ve got tuition and all that? Should I say I have tuition every day and my five tutors are already preparing me for secondary school O levels? Maybe it will be good to show how concerned my parents are about my education. Or maybe not. People will say Dad and Mom are stressing out the other parents. Should also not say I can speak five languages, including Japanese which I picked up from that immersion programme in Tokyo. Cost a bomb but Dad say better go since everyone in class is… Hmm…better to throw in a few Hokkien phrases when they speak to me. Better find Grandma and ask her how to say in Hokkien that “I’m not smart. I am just hardworking’’.

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This is very stressful. Maybe I won’t be top student. Then I won’t have to answer all these questions. I wish I was born poor and stupid.

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An ex-journalist who can't get enough of the news after being in the business for 26 years

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