Diary of a Wimpy Kid (from a top school) Nov 23
Dear diary, I want to make an announcement. The top PSLE student is Wee Im Pee. Me! Me! Do you hear that? I can’t believe those newspaper people didn’t get their facts right. The top score isn’t 285. It’s 285.5. And that’s ME!
We were all very upset that my principal didn’t want to make any announcement yesterday. He locked me in the toilet and kept Mom and Dad in his office when the newspaper people came to the school. Grandma ran to talk to one reporter but she tripped. So now she’s in A&E. The newspaper people took a lot of pictures of her. She tried to tell them why she was there but none of them understood Hokkien.
So I had to sit on the toilet bowl for hours, reading and re-reading my PSLE results. I’m just glad that I beat Tee Yi and Chong Ming. These Chinese students study so hard that Dad was actually going to stop me from using my iPad. He thought I was playing online games! I was actually taking a Stanford University online course. You know, those free ones. He saw, then said, Ok, good boy.
So here is another announcement: The top PSLE student is… SINGAPOREAN! Yay!
Anyway, I looked at all the newspapers today and there’s no picture of me….Looks like most principals are scared of MOE. Except that Yishun principal in The New Paper. But the school’s top scorer only had 275 points! Okay, he’s also the head prefect and has some Eagle award. I suppose that’s part of this holistic and wholesome achievement that the G wants publicised.
But it’s not fair! I wanted to join the prefectorial board but my five private tutors said not to waste time. Also, a prefect has to “catch’’ bad boys and Mom and Dad didn’t think I should be involved with “bad elements’’. So I only became a class monitor.
You know, diary, there was this boy who said in The Straits Times that he wants to go to RI but was worried because it’s a school for “rich kids’’. Really? I never thought so. I mean, I would fit right in and my Dad only owns a Merc and a Ferrari.
My advice: Come on! Don’t be a wimp! Just go to RI! So many kids there with Very Important Parents. Very good to know them! Good for your future, so Dad says. Never mind if you take public transport to school, try to make friends with someone who gets driven to school. Oh, I forgot. Maybe you live in HDB. Not near anyone who has a car and driver…Anyway, I’m sure you will make plenty of friends. They will want to know what living in a HDB flat is like and whether public transport is really so bad. They will see it as broadening their “educational horizons’’.
Anyway, I’m just jealous that you got into the newspapers and I didn’t. Even Grandma didn’t get her picture in.