Here’s what we should give Baby SG50

So the G is asking for ideas on how to celebrate our 50^th birthday next year. It wants the “ground’’ to throw up suggestions and good ones will get $50,000. It’s enough to make me come up with a listicle of 50 ideas in the hope that one will hit the sweet spot.

Then the G says all babies born next year will get a Jubilee Baby Gift pack – no money please. Just stuff that will remind the babies for the rest of their lives that they were born in SG50. Minister in the Prime Minister’s Office Grace Fu suggested a sarong with the Singapore flag motif so that mothers can use it when carrying baby around or when…gulp… breastfeeding. Wooah. Talk about bonding with mom and country!

My list of what should go in the pack:

1. A cute rattle which, when shaken, plays Count on me, Singapore. You can never start national education lessons too early.
2. A cute baby bottle with a malfunctioning nipple which will impress on baby that he really has to work hard for his lunch. PS.The nipple will have an addictive additive so parents cannot replace the bottle or baby will be bawling all the time. Pharmaceutical sponsor needed.
3. Cute baby booties that will tickle baby soles, so that baby is made aware that he will have to stand on his own two feet quickly.
4. A commemorative jubilee coin that can be attached to an ankle chain. NOTE: ankle chain should not be called leg shackles (which are not cute).
5.  A cute baby blanket with the Singapore flag emblazoned on it. Symbolises the care and comfort that the country will give baby. Also known as security blanket. Babies are expected to drool on it to show attachment.
6. A cute Merlion stuffed toy for baby to hug at night. Note that it should be a smiling Merlion – not the scowly one at Sentosa which will frighten baby. Contact manufacturers of Lion King merchandise.
7. A year’s worth of cute diapers from Temasek Cares foundation. Baby will grow up questioning: what is Temasek? Opportunity for parents to teach baby Singapore old history – and Singapore current economics.

All the items should be put in a gift box made of recycled cardboard (to show the need to preserve the environment) which have the signatures of the whole Singapore Cabinet (so that it is too “valuable’’ to throw away). It will be bound with a commemorative ribbon which, if presented after 50 years, will entitled baby to an SG100 jubilee gift pack (to teach baby the value of looking ahead with optimism).