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Bertha HarianBertha Harian

News Reports

Ban these books too!

So three books have been pulled from the National Library shelves because they went against the “pro-family’’ values. In other words, they talked about same sex couples and other variations of the single family unit of father, mother and child. I suppose those against such books see them as a slow, insidious undermining of values that they hold dear. An attempt to corrupt innocent children. I also suppose they see parents as irresponsible idiots who do not care about what books dear boy-boy or girl-girl brought home from the library.

I think the following books are “suspect’’ too.

a. Little Red Riding Hood. I think it should be banned because the big bad wolf is too scary for children and the woodsman was rather bloody with the axe. On the flip side though, it shows the value of living close to the elderly so that you can check on them easily instead of trekking through the woods. Endorsed by the HDB.

b. The Three Little Pigs. Should be banned because it encourages vandalism. But then again, a great endorsement of good construction techniques. Build homes of straw and wood and you risk getting the house blown down. Endorsed by the Building and Construction Authority.

c. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Methinks a bit too kinky to have a single female living in a house full of small men. No redeeming quality. Biased against apples which we know keeps the doctor away, says Singapore Medical Association. Should be banned immediately. Not sure. What if she ate a banana instead?

d. Hansel and Gretel. Health Promotion Board is against this book because the duo stuffed themselves with cakes and sweets much to the detriment of their teeth. Plus they baked an old lady in the oven. Should be banned immediately. Agree.

e. Cinderella. Hard work scrubbing floors pays off for young woman. Endorsed by the Manpower ministry. But the National Trades Union Congress noted that she worked without pay which is against collective bargaining rules. The final call was made by SDU: Get out of the house once in a while and you might find your soul-mate. Commercial sponsor: shoemakers Jimmy Choo and Ferragamo

f. Sleeping Beauty. Encourages belief in superstition because the witch’s curse comes true. Plus, imagine what it is like to kiss someone who has been asleep for 100 years. Tussle in court now as mouthwash companies seek to trademark and copyright the lass for their products. Verdict to come.

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g. Jack and the Beanstalk. Absolutely no redeeming quality. Trades family’s last belongings for a bean – no regard for his mother. Steals stuff from the giant – he’s a thief. Chops down beanstalk – environmentally unfriendly.

h. The Emperor with no clothes. Pornography. ‘Nuff said.

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An ex-journalist who can't get enough of the news after being in the business for 26 years

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