When the fear of foreign influence runs too deep:
Member: Hey, there’s this angmoh who wants to join our committee. Says he is all for our cause.
Chairman: Say no, unless he’s a Singaporean or PR.
Member: For goodness sake, we’re the gardening committee! I don’t think he can subvert plants.
Chairman: He might be a plant from some rabid foreign greenie group out to colour both our environment and political culture.
Son: Dad, I am thinking of apply to this foreign university to study philosophy and politics
Father: No, you should stay at home and study at a university here.
Son: But it will be good experience and I will get to meet different kinds of students and obtain a different perspective on the world!
Father: That’s what I’m afraid of.
Member: We just got US$75,000 in an envelope shoved into our letterbox. Anonymous.
Chairman: I think we should report to the police.
Member: I thought we report to the police when we lose money, not when we receive money.
Chairman: The money is “suspicious’’ especially if they are in US$ notes.
Member: Then I go to money changer and change to Singapore dollars?
Chairman: Yes, and get 10 of your relatives to say it’s from them.
Donor: I want to give you this $10,000 cheque because I support your cause.
Staffer: May I have your name and IC number so that we know you are Singaporean?
Donor: Ok. But I don’t see why you need all that.
Staffer: Your occupation please?
Donor: I am a businessman.
Staffer: What business?
Donor: Import/export. I do business all over the world. Why do you want to know?
Staffer: So this cheque is really from your bank account? Not from one of your foreign contacts?
Donor: It’s my money! Why so many questions?
Staffer: We just have to exercise due diligence to ensure that there is no foreign influence.
Donor: But this money is for safeguarding the welfare of cats!
Staffer: It doesn’t matter. This is Singapore. We do not want foreign interference over our cat policy.
Donor: Give me back my cheque.
Colleague: My relatives from China came for a visit and were going on and on about how China is so great and Singapore is so lousy compared to it.
Colleague1: They are trying to influence your thinking about China and make you feel small. What did you say to them?
Colleague: I told them Singapore is better and they should go back to China.
Colleague1: That sounds xenophobic and every inhospital.
Colleague: I didn’t want my relatives to influence my children’s thinking about Singapore and migrate to China.
Do-gooder : I’m thinking of going to Myanmar on a humanitarian programme to help the displace Rohingya people.
Sceptic : Why? Nothings happening to them over there, according to their government
Do-gooder: You believe everything their government says?
Sceptice: You believe everything the media says?
Do-gooder: Well, I am going over to find out because I am a global citizen.
Sceptic: You are also interfering in the politics of another country…
Do-gooder: I guess I should stick around then and see if I can help the poor and disadvantaged in Singapore.
Sceptic: There are such people in Singapore?
PS. I am joking ok! Joking!