An inside look at how the joint declaration between US President Donald Trump and North Korea’s Kim Jong Un was made:
DT: Hey Rocket Man! Nice haircut! You don’t mind me calling you Rocket Man do you?
Kim: So long as I can still call you the senile one..you’re going to be 72 soon you know. Happy birthday!
DT: Words…just words. We’ve gotta figure out some more words now coz the world’s watching…
Kim: We can have more words if you pull out your 32,000 soldiers.
DT: You kidding me! Moon will kill me. In time, okay? In good time, as the Singaporeans will say. Maybe in my life-time. Maybe not.
Kim: Well, then it’s hard for me to dismantle my nuclear weapons. It’s my best asset, you know.
DT: Hey, it’s your only asset! You’d better say you’d do something about it. And let in the inspectors to check that you’re not just shifting it somewhere else. The words “verifiable and irreversible’’ have gotta be in there somewhere.
Kim: Like you say, in time, in good time. You think it’s easy to give a time-line? We’re not as efficient as the Singaporeans. You have to give me something more.
DT: Woah! Deal-making huh. That, I know something about. By the way, you know if you knock out your nuclear sites, I’d have to take away my nuclear umbrella right? We’re not just talking about North Korea but the Korean peninsula. The whole world will be safer!
Kim: I’m willing to commit to denuclearization – but without a timeline, and without the words “verifiable’’ and “irreversible’’. You’ll just have to take my word for it.
DT: No can do. My guys have been telling me how you been going back on your words.
Kim: That was my father. I am not a chip out of the old block.
DT: No two Kims are the same? Hahah. Come on, gimme something. What about that stuff we talked about a couple of months ago… Closing one missile testing site…you told me that was do-able.
Kim: No problem! But we can’t put it in words
DT: Then the remains of our boys killed in the Korean war. And the Japs want their people back too.
Kim: No problem! We can say we’re working on the POW/MIA remains, but I really don’t know what the Japs are up. We already said that of the 12 Japs, eight
were abducted are already dead and four never even entered the country.
DT: Oh well, I suppose Abe will have to get back to you on it.
Kim: My turn. Lift the sanctions.
DT: You gotta be kidding me. You’re lucky I’m not piling more to it. Anyway, you’ve been sniffing around in Beijing recently right? I’m sure you got some kinda deal.
Kim: Then you stop your war games. They are an unnecessary provocation. They raise tensions. Not good for peace. You look insincere if you have military drills while wanting peace.
DT: Hmmm…That could be tough. I didn’t raise it with my defence boys and I think they’re already working on the next one…
Kim: You can always say that it is expensive. You know, flying bombers from Guam and then back? Don’t you always say you know what to do with money?
DT: That’s a thought. But it isn’t fair! Everyone knows if we stop a drill, but nobody knows if you’re dismantling your arsenal or not!
Kim: I already said I am blowing up one testing site. You can check that.
DT: Okay. I’ll stop the games, but it isn’t going to be in the statement.
DT: Hmm. You think the world’s gonna like our agreement? I have to sell it to the pesky media, you know. Wish I could be you and just tell them what to say…
Kim: You can say it was a better meeting than the NATO one you came from. Or you can say you don’t have much time because you have a birthday party you have to rush home too.
DT: I guess it’s good to say we’ve started talking. What about saying that we’ll commit to establishing a new bilateral relationship. Emphasis on the word “new’’.
Kim: Yes. I’m sure analysts will say something about a new era, new chapter, a first step or whatever.
DT: Okay. Then I’ll commit to not calling you Rocket Man anymore.
Kim: And I won’t call you senile. Deal?